


The Envoy

by Darth_Nonie



Series: Ze Von I Love [6]
Category: The X-Files, Warren Zevon songs
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Fluff, M/M, Mash-up, Slash, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-11-19
Updated: 1998-11-19
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:53:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2342510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darth_Nonie/pseuds/Darth_Nonie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This story refers to Marita Covarrubias, the poised blonde UN assistant who became Mulder's new informant after X's death.</p><p>In the 5th season episode Patient X, we see her having rough sex with Krycek, so I didn't invent that part. ;)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Envoy

"Alex!"

"What?"

"This--this picture! From your wallet!"

"What the hell are you doing in my wallet? Official FBI snooping?"

"No, Alex, you left it in your pocket. In the laundry. And I was trying to find out what I could salvage from the waterlogged remains."

"Right. Okay, Mulder, guilty as charged."

"No shit. Guilty of **this** , though? Jesus!"

"Look, Mulder, I didn't--"

"Like hell you didn't."

"She didn't mean anything to me, Mulder. I told you, I don't like maneaters. Not even Nordic blondes."

"Yeah, sure. So you've got her nude picture in your wallet because..."

"Blackmail. In case I ever need diplomatic help."

"Riiiiiiight. Help with what, Alex, your hard-on? If I'd have known you were laying the Ice Princess, I'd have used condoms. Or maybe Polarfleece. Jesus."

"Mulder, why are you so upset? You know I love you; you know I've had to do some pretty scummy things in the line of duty."

"That's pretty scummy, all right. Marita Do-the-Dirty-to-Me, or howeverthehell she pronounces it."

"Mulder, you're-- My God, you're jealous. That's so sweet."

"I am NOT jealous! Why would I be jealous? She's off somewhere in a walk-in freezer for vacation, probably playing with a popsicle, and I'm right here with you. Doing this. And this, and this..."

"Then--uh!--why are you so--ummmm!--upset?"

"If you were fucking her, and now you're fucking me--"

"Being fucked **by** you, Mulder, or hadn't you--ah!--noticed?

"If you've fucked us both, maybe I don't like your taste in lovers. I mean, Jesus, me and the Icicle. What does that say about me?"

"I'll tell you--oh!--oh!--what **I'll** say about you if--Oh God!--you don't shut up about that bitch and start moving faster RIGHT NOW!"

"Quit yelling, Alex, or I'm gonna impound your diplomatic pouch."

"Okay, okay! Just--unh!--let's get on with this--ah!-- investigative probe, shall we?


End file.
